AND OUT OF NOWHERE AND NOTHING (Cont'd)

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DAY 3 (Cont'd)
I let the fear of the phone calls take over for awhile until I realized that I had to begin believing the danger was gone; the least I had to do, was to develop a “fake it to til I make it,” mind-set to keep going and put the fear away as long as I could. It worked for a while but eventually it flooded back in different ways; this time it came as Agoraphobia, (fear of open spaces, or the outside) and it hit me after my sister died suddenly from Heart disease.
My sister led a simple but sad life. She believed all she had to live for was spending time with my children, and her job, which suited her and she was very good at it. My sister struggled with her identity daily. Her job as a security guard lent her to the power that was missing in the other aspects of her life. I could not even say she was content, but she did the best she could with what she was able to face about herself. Unknowing to her, she was loved and respected by so many people, that there was an outpouring of people at her wake, and the many so called, coincidences in her life emerged in ways she never would have expected. The numbers of people from different parts of her life connected outside of her, so much so, that it would have blown her away. My sister-in-law from my first marriage came and reminded me that my sister was the one that helped her get the job at the hospital she still works in. In the next instance, my sister-in-law was speaking to the wife of the property owner of the apartment my sister lived in. These two women had worked together in the past, and were chatting about it, when the aunt, who was the closest to my sister, joined the conversation. My aunt recognized one of the women and discovered that the woman was married to her late husband’s nephew. Strange, considering my sister was having such a difficult time finding a place to live just a few years earlier, and to have landed in this apartment was remarkable. These things to me appear as coincidences; but I know they are the working of the Universe to bring all these people together, and I also believe that my sister knows now that these things took place.  Since my introduction to the movie "The Secret," so many things become clear to me when I begin to realize that we are responsible for our own reality, I just wish my sister had been able to see her reality through my eyes.

"And out of nowhere and nothing"

Cover via Amazon

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As a Braveheart Woman I would like to share my story by posting small parts each day. If one woman is helped by what I write about my life, then my purpose will be live.
THIS IS WHERE IT BEGAN
At the age of 61, I feel my life is just beginning. After raising my three, now adult children, I am taking time to fulfill my purpose in the world. In hindsight, I have seen the results of the law of attraction. Twenty-six years ago, while I was pregnant with my second child, I was building a fitness center. I had no money, no good credit, to speak of, but a mind full of passion, knowledge, (having managed health clubs) and faith.
Well into my daughter’s first month of life, a diagnosis of heart failure was difficult news to accept. After her first surgery, she seemed to thrive, but she still had a long road to recovery. Her aorta was not opening and closing and she needed a new one to replace it. Technology for this disorder was minimal, at that time, and after 30 days in the hospital with her she was finally scheduled for surgery where the surgeon planned to open the valve and leave it open. At the time, I was grasping at straws and fighting with medical people so when the surgeon said she had a “40 percent chance of recovery and an article for him in a medical journal,” I said yes to the surgery. Gillian, my precious six-month old died that day. My mother at the time was in the hospital facing the removal of her colon due to colon cancer. As we left the hospital, the only thing that I could think of was how to tell my Mom that we had lost Gillian, and still convince her to continue treatment. When I got there she already knew, my nephew told her. Having lost my father two years before to suicide from drinking rubbing alcohol, I again, had to put my grief on hold to care for another.
The night before I left my home and my fledgling business to move in with my mother and care for her, two men showed up at the health club. What I remember was them saying, “We work for two Fortune 500 companies and we want to finance your project. “ I don’t know if it was grief, fear of success, or just plain numbness, but I had to turn them down. It appeared to me that my purpose was to care for my mother. My oldest sister on the other hand, wanted to put her in a nursing home close to where we both lived. Torn, because my sister was not privy to the discussion I had with my mother the day before her release from the hospital, which was also the hospital my precious baby died in, I just went forward again believing that this was my purpose, and the health club was a selfish act, so I gave it up. Looking back now, I see that a wonderful opportunity was being handed me and I had to say no because “I believed” that my purpose was to care for my mother.
To be continued daily:

MUSIC AND HUMOR HEALS

Image via Wikipedia

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I was watching The Bonnie Hunt Show this morning, (avoiding writing a persuasive essay for ENG COMP), and she had Kevin Bacon and his brother on. I was so enthralled with the charity project they are a part of. It is called Musicians On Call.
They, and many other musicians, go to different hospitals and play for patients. I started to think about the amazing effect that must create and my "goofing off" turned into the a "purpose." Which means, my essay will be about how music and humor heal. Sometimes it is possible that people will heal even faster from music and humor; than they do from medicine and medical care, not to advocate against medical care, because it will always be a crucial element in healing, and in most cases, of course, the first step.

So there are two lessons that I learned today:
1. Even goofing off has purpose. (finding the topic of my essay)
2. Music and humor are amazing medical finds in healing care.
I love my life.