Oh No, she's up!

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On Sunday my pastor, after returning from a conference, shared a story one of the author s shared with him. The story was about a mother that was concerned about her non-believing children. I was totally inspired by her response to what to do for our children when they can't find their way. She said, "If the devil wants my children he will have to cross over thousands of prayers." I was instantly gratified by the calming that took place in me after hearing this. After the service I went to thank him for the sermon and he said, he was thinking about me when he heard it, because he knows my greatest struggle is for my children to become believers. We never know what to do if we are called home and our children are not saved, it is a Christian Mother's greatest concern, but try to remember this story if you are the mother of non-believers and accept the comfort it gave me.
I just got off the phone with my youngest who is back in recovery and he informed me that he is considering joining the military, another great concern for mothers. I told him I would support what ever he decides because I know that God is with him, even if he doesn't always know; and I know that the devil will have to climb over thousands of my prayers also to get to him. So look out for me Devil!

AND OUT OF NOWHERE AND NOTHING (Cont'd)

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DAY 3 (Cont'd)
I let the fear of the phone calls take over for awhile until I realized that I had to begin believing the danger was gone; the least I had to do, was to develop a “fake it to til I make it,” mind-set to keep going and put the fear away as long as I could. It worked for a while but eventually it flooded back in different ways; this time it came as Agoraphobia, (fear of open spaces, or the outside) and it hit me after my sister died suddenly from Heart disease.
My sister led a simple but sad life. She believed all she had to live for was spending time with my children, and her job, which suited her and she was very good at it. My sister struggled with her identity daily. Her job as a security guard lent her to the power that was missing in the other aspects of her life. I could not even say she was content, but she did the best she could with what she was able to face about herself. Unknowing to her, she was loved and respected by so many people, that there was an outpouring of people at her wake, and the many so called, coincidences in her life emerged in ways she never would have expected. The numbers of people from different parts of her life connected outside of her, so much so, that it would have blown her away. My sister-in-law from my first marriage came and reminded me that my sister was the one that helped her get the job at the hospital she still works in. In the next instance, my sister-in-law was speaking to the wife of the property owner of the apartment my sister lived in. These two women had worked together in the past, and were chatting about it, when the aunt, who was the closest to my sister, joined the conversation. My aunt recognized one of the women and discovered that the woman was married to her late husband’s nephew. Strange, considering my sister was having such a difficult time finding a place to live just a few years earlier, and to have landed in this apartment was remarkable. These things to me appear as coincidences; but I know they are the working of the Universe to bring all these people together, and I also believe that my sister knows now that these things took place.  Since my introduction to the movie "The Secret," so many things become clear to me when I begin to realize that we are responsible for our own reality, I just wish my sister had been able to see her reality through my eyes.

AND OUT OF NOWHERE AND NOTHING, (cont'd)

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I took a second job, as a special needs bus driver so I would have a vehicle without expenses and became a home demonstrator for a direct sales company. My youngest son was at an age where he was old enough to care for the children and although it was a heavy burden for a young boy that had only a few years before lost his sister and both grandparents, he helped to hold us all together. He was my Godsend, and in time, our lives settled into peaceful ones, at least for a while. We had a few vandalizing events around Christmas the first year. Someone took a baseball bat to the windows of my school vehicle and through a larger boulder through the picture window where the Christmas tree stood. I never tried to prove these things were his doing, but I had a sense about them. I tried so hard to stay in a positive state of mind amidst the turmoil. It was hard and I began treatment for depression, despite being able to carry out all the necessary things in my life, it triggered an old disability of clinical depression. There was great fear lingering in me all the time but I had to keep going for the children. I never spoke a bad word about their father or made them privy to the fear I had about the vandalism, but in time, they formed their own opinion about how they felt about him. If one always does what is right, the truth will always come out. The truth was not mine to tell, but my children found it anyway. When they did, I was there to talk them through it until my youngest son turned 13.
My ex-husband was also a narcissist; something we would discover later on, but if my children did not call him every day and tell him how grateful they were for everything that he gave them, he would spin into a tirade.(A God complex) Many phone conversations and lies later, he called and told my youngest son, the only one that still loved him, never to call him again. He broke my son that day, and although I have forgiven him, I have no use for the man in my life and neither do my children. What kind of parent says something like that to their child? He went on later to say to me that “my” children were “white trash, and had never been raised properly.” My children, really? I responded with, “Never call me again, you have no idea what it means to parent a child and the influence you “inflict” on my children is destroying them.” A few months later, I learned, not by him, but from the return address on the child support payment, he resented every month he made it, that he and his wife moved to Georgia. Well, I say good luck to Georgia. He had burned all his bridges in this area and needed to re-locate, re-invent, and run from all the mistakes he had made here. (cont’d)

AND OUT OF NOWHERE AND NOTHING (cont'd)

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(cont'd)
The years that past after my mother died, were years I lived in numbness and platitudes, hanging on for dear life, with no idea what I was doing. Completely unaware that the man I loved had been having an affair with my so-called “best friend” for about two years. He issued me an ultimatum in regards to our relationship, marry him or he was leaving. Unable to think of losing another person in my life, I felt the only answer was yes. I half-heartedly prepared for a wedding I never should have had, and a life that I would regret for many years. The day of the wedding that same friend stood up for me as my matron-of-honor, (yes she was also married) and moments before the ceremony she asked me why I was marrying him, and I told her the reason I just mentioned. I was not ready to be alone again with my nine year old son (from my first marriage) still to mother. She told me she thought I was making a mistake an even tried to tell me about the two of them, but it cast upon deaf ears. Within the first year, I was pregnant again and had my daughter, and then 15 months later my son. The marriage was a horror show; he cheated with her and so many other women that I forced him in to counseling and a diagnosis as psychosis and sexual addiction. After many false promises, it continued and I knew I would have to leave him.
As soon as I was able, I got a job as a server, so I could work nights and he could stay with the children. What was I thinking? Within a few months of me working, he called me one night to tell me that he could not handle taking care of the children, so I needed to quit my job. I didn’t, and he continued to complain until one night after putting the children to bed with their day clothes on, my daughter woke up and needed to go to the bathroom. When he couldn’t open the shorts she was wearing, because the other hand was holding the telephone, he ripped the shorts off her in anger and sent her to the bathroom and to bed angrily. When I got home that evening, I found the clothes in the trash and hid them in the basement. Two days later, I went to the courthouse with the shorts and some pictures I found of him with my friend, and got a restraining order. That afternoon I watched as the police escorted him from the property. His anger came in so many ways, and when I became oblivious to one, he would move on to another. Life became even more dangerous when I didn’t know where he was or what he was doing.

Every child has a SPECIAL NEED

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Every child enter the world with their gifts already in place and sometimes we are the reason they lose sight of these gifts. We immediately choose to change who are children are as soon as they are born. Who are we to do that? It is not our job to change our children, it is theirs, from the moment they are conceived.
In a perfect world we would only have to believe that they would learn everything on their own, in their own way, but we are too afraid to do that.
God created each of us with the unique ability to be who we are and as parents we change that. It was never God's plan for parents to change their children, it is their job to send them on a safe path, and to develop themselves.
It is a difficult concept and it takes GREAT FAITH on our part "allow" that to take place, but in a perfect world...it would.
The next time your child is doing something that you deem improper or unacceptable, before interjecting...watch his/her process from a different mind-set and maybe you will see this/her gifts emerge, and their ability to be outstanding surface.

YOUR CHILD'S SPECIAL NEEDS

THE TEEN CREED

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The Bonnie Hunt's show on Friday was really interesting with Rosie O'Donnell as a guest. Rosie talked about her new movie "America" airing tonight on the Lifetime Channel and also about "Munny,"from KidRobot which is a new toy that helps children become more creative.

The most poignant part of the show was a retrospective of Bonnie's about when she was 12 years old and her mother (who often shows up on the show via web cam or Skype)gave all of her brothers and sisters a laminated copy of "The Teen Creed," which they had to memorize and recite each time they left home without their mother.

It's really funny how everything comes full circle. This is a great tool from when I was a teen, (I'm older than Bonnie, much older)and parents provided very specific guidelines for children, and instilled a sense of responsibility in them. In my home most of what we had to memorize were bible verses, but they were related to punishment, which in hindsight I now realize gave me a distorted sense of structured religion.

Even two parent homes seem to be having difficulty teaching their children about the consequences of their actions these days. And it is such a difficult time right now in the world, our children need to know how to handle much graver issues than we ever had to deal with. Below is a copy of "The Teen Creed" consider making a laminated copy for your child, have them memorize it, and also instill in them that you will love them unconditionally, and they only have to call you to pick them up when they are in trouble...NO QUESTIONS ASKED...and make sure to stand by that commitment, don't ask....unless they want or need to talk about the situation. Be proud of them for taking the right route. Calling home and removing themselves from bad situations, means they have the tools they need to make smart decisions, by knowing and understanding the consequences of their actions.

Bonnie including her mother as part of her show, and sharing experiences of her childhood with her mother's parenting skills, is a purely perfect move. Her mother ads a great dimension to the show. Her mother truly understands what loving "unconditionally " means.

HERE IS THE TEEN CREED from the Bonnie Hunt Show

1. Don’t let your parents down, they brought you up.
2. Be humble enough to obey, you may give orders someday.
3. Choose companions with care, you become who they are.
4. Guard your thoughts, what you think you are.
5. Choose only a date who would make a good mate.
6. Be a master of your habits or they will master you.
7. Don’t be a show off when you drive, drive with safety and arrive.
8. Don’t let the crowd pressure you.
9. Stand for something or you’ll fall for something.

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WRAPPING UP HUNGER ACTION MONTH

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THEY ALL NEED TO KNOW, SO TELL THEM!

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TELL CONGRESS AMERICA NEEDS A SECOND ECONOMIC STIMULUS PACKAGE!

The House and Senate are considering a second economic stimulus package to help jump start the economy in light of the financial crisis facing our nation. Included in the legislation are important anti-hunger programs that will help food banks meet the rising need for food assistance and increased cost of doing business. Additional funding for critical programs such as the Emergency Food Program (TEFAP) and Commodity Supplemental Food Program (CSFP) as well as a temporary increase in Food Stamps will help those families struggling to make ends meet during these difficult economic times. Tell your legislators that they need to pass this important legislation now!
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WHO ARE THESE CHILDREN?

Image via WikipediaHow do you close the door to fear? Fear is usually the single thing that keeps one from achieving their intended goals or of being successful. Failure is the only door into success and fear is the element that stops any activity whatsoever toward the failure. I know considering failure as success is an unfamiliar concept, but it is the only way. If you never fail then you cannot possible succeed. You must fail at some things in life, to learn the lessons that we were intended to learn, in our time on this planet. My Higher Power of choice is God. So I will refer to him through this post. God intended us to make mistakes and learn from them.

When a child is put on this earth, he/she arrives without sin. If we never did anything except keep he/she safe, then who would that child become? What would that child learn? The child would be his or her own self. Right himself/herself. It is only after being subjected to the views and choices of the parent that the child becomes the combination of both or the culmination of one. Whatever environmental elements affect the child will be part of the process, but the child will choose. Again, an overwhelming concept, I know. But, if we never influenced the child, wouldn’t he/she just follow by example? Yes, so to raise our children, the one crucially important factor is to teach them by example. So be an example of a child you would want to live in the world. Does this sound like something you’ve heard before? Of course it is, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you?” Hello…why are we not using that same philosophy to raise our children. And I do not mean by cramming bible verses down their throat. I mean by being the person that you want your child to be. There is no “what’s good for the goose” allowance here.
BE WHO YOU WANT YOUR CHILD TO BE, ACT THE WAY YOU WANT THE WORLDTO ACT AND YOUR CHILD WILL FOLLOW BY EXAMPLE. IT IS THAT SIMPLE…BE A LEADER TO YOUR CHILDREN, NOT A FOLLOWER OF THE MASSES.
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REMEMBER LIFE WITHOUT A CELL PHONE?

Remember life without a cell phone? Actually I don't, I'm much too young for that...Right!
We were watching a movie after dinner yesterday and some question came up. The kids and I (I really should stop calling them the kids, they are adults now)have this habit of trying to name the actors in the movie we are watching and what else the actor has been in. I never really noticed that we do this, but yesterday it was different...Usually someone runs to the computer and finds the answer...because we all have to be right (there is a lot of "EGO" going on here, in good fun) Well, this time my daughter reached for her cell and looked it up on there...she also found out what time the movie she and her boyfriend were going to started, without ever leaving her chair. I know to most that is no surprise, and it really was not to me either, but I recognized the habit. I was in the presence.

When you are aware of the issue, you are awakened, you are free from "ego" and in the presence. I like my presence to be with my children. There is a lot of love and joy there. The kind of joy you get when you see them for the first time, or they reach their first milestone, go to their first day of school, go on their first date, their first prom, the first day they leave home for college, the day they get married and then their first child, or my first grandchild. It is an endless circle of complete and utter joy. Ok...there are days when you wish they would just go out and experience one of those firsts and give you the peace you need, but in a very short time, you are wishing them back. That is why I love the holidays, birthdays and anytime we are all together. That is where my essence lives and my success, it is in that presence.