IT WAS JUST A SIMPLE WALK!

Image by Farruska via FlickrIn a conversation today, with a friend, I remembered that I have always said, when people are “thinking or feeling” that others dislike them, or are talking about them or they believe they do not like them, this is what I think “unless you tell me that you do not like me, I will assume that you do.” I have always played that in my mind. I developed it a long time ago when I was trying to find “self-confidence” in myself. I find it funny now that I was actually looking for confidence in myself. If I was believing or thinking that others did not like me or were talking about me, then I was lost in “ego”. Most grow up believing that “ego” is a good thing about a person. Most have always believed that when a person has a good “ego” they have a good sense of themselves, they are confident, but, how do you have a good “ego” when the “ego” is what separates you from God. The “ego” is where you go when you are not “within“.

Being “within” is peace. I have been recovering from Agoraphobia which manifested as panic attacks. Funny, because Agoraphobia is a state of fear, as is anxiety. But “within” there is no “fear”, and there is also no “ego”. The simple fact that I know that is enough to separate myself from the “ego” and remain within. Quieting my mind.

I went out today for a power walk. Looking at me, you would never call it that. But, for me, the effort is great to actually do it. I was trapped in a mental illness for more than 4 years, that kept me confined to my home like a prisoner. I did not need locks on the door to keep me in, my mind was doing that quite well. The simple joy of taking a walk outside, something we all take for granted, was to me, today, the greatest blessing I could receive. When I was done walking I just stood and watched, practicing not labeling my vision. What peace, what joy….and to think, it was just a simple walk.

REMEMBER LIFE WITHOUT A CELL PHONE?

Remember life without a cell phone? Actually I don't, I'm much too young for that...Right!
We were watching a movie after dinner yesterday and some question came up. The kids and I (I really should stop calling them the kids, they are adults now)have this habit of trying to name the actors in the movie we are watching and what else the actor has been in. I never really noticed that we do this, but yesterday it was different...Usually someone runs to the computer and finds the answer...because we all have to be right (there is a lot of "EGO" going on here, in good fun) Well, this time my daughter reached for her cell and looked it up on there...she also found out what time the movie she and her boyfriend were going to started, without ever leaving her chair. I know to most that is no surprise, and it really was not to me either, but I recognized the habit. I was in the presence.

When you are aware of the issue, you are awakened, you are free from "ego" and in the presence. I like my presence to be with my children. There is a lot of love and joy there. The kind of joy you get when you see them for the first time, or they reach their first milestone, go to their first day of school, go on their first date, their first prom, the first day they leave home for college, the day they get married and then their first child, or my first grandchild. It is an endless circle of complete and utter joy. Ok...there are days when you wish they would just go out and experience one of those firsts and give you the peace you need, but in a very short time, you are wishing them back. That is why I love the holidays, birthdays and anytime we are all together. That is where my essence lives and my success, it is in that presence.