Tuesday, November 24, 2009

"And out of nowhere and nothing"

Cover of "Braveheart (Special Collector's...Cover via Amazon

As a Braveheart Woman I would like to share my story by posting small parts each day. If one woman is helped by what I write about my life, then my purpose will be live.
At the age of 61, I feel my life is just beginning. After raising my three, now adult children, I am taking time to fulfill my purpose in the world. In hindsight, I have seen the results of the law of attraction. Twenty-six years ago, while I was pregnant with my second child, I was building a fitness center. I had no money, no good credit, to speak of, but a mind full of passion, knowledge, (having managed health clubs) and faith.
Well into my daughter’s first month of life, a diagnosis of heart failure was difficult news to accept. After her first surgery, she seemed to thrive, but she still had a long road to recovery. Her aorta was not opening and closing and she needed a new one to replace it. Technology for this disorder was minimal, at that time, and after 30 days in the hospital with her she was finally scheduled for surgery where the surgeon planned to open the valve and leave it open. At the time, I was grasping at straws and fighting with medical people so when the surgeon said she had a “40 percent chance of recovery and an article for him in a medical journal,” I said yes to the surgery. Gillian, my precious six-month old died that day. My mother at the time was in the hospital facing the removal of her colon due to colon cancer. As we left the hospital, the only thing that I could think of was how to tell my Mom that we had lost Gillian, and still convince her to continue treatment. When I got there she already knew, my nephew told her. Having lost my father two years before to suicide from drinking rubbing alcohol, I again, had to put my grief on hold to care for another.
The night before I left my home and my fledgling business to move in with my mother and care for her, two men showed up at the health club. What I remember was them saying, “We work for two Fortune 500 companies and we want to finance your project. “ I don’t know if it was grief, fear of success, or just plain numbness, but I had to turn them down. It appeared to me that my purpose was to care for my mother. My oldest sister on the other hand, wanted to put her in a nursing home close to where we both lived. Torn, because my sister was not privy to the discussion I had with my mother the day before her release from the hospital, which was also the hospital my precious baby died in, I just went forward again believing that this was my purpose, and the health club was a selfish act, so I gave it up. Looking back now, I see that a wonderful opportunity was being handed me and I had to say no because “I believed” that my purpose was to care for my mother.
To be continued daily:

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