Tuesday, December 1, 2009


DAY 3 (Cont'd)
I let the fear of the phone calls take over for awhile until I realized that I had to begin believing the danger was gone; the least I had to do, was to develop a “fake it to til I make it,” mind-set to keep going and put the fear away as long as I could. It worked for a while but eventually it flooded back in different ways; this time it came as Agoraphobia, (fear of open spaces, or the outside) and it hit me after my sister died suddenly from Heart disease.
My sister led a simple but sad life. She believed all she had to live for was spending time with my children, and her job, which suited her and she was very good at it. My sister struggled with her identity daily. Her job as a security guard lent her to the power that was missing in the other aspects of her life. I could not even say she was content, but she did the best she could with what she was able to face about herself. Unknowing to her, she was loved and respected by so many people, that there was an outpouring of people at her wake, and the many so called, coincidences in her life emerged in ways she never would have expected. The numbers of people from different parts of her life connected outside of her, so much so, that it would have blown her away. My sister-in-law from my first marriage came and reminded me that my sister was the one that helped her get the job at the hospital she still works in. In the next instance, my sister-in-law was speaking to the wife of the property owner of the apartment my sister lived in. These two women had worked together in the past, and were chatting about it, when the aunt, who was the closest to my sister, joined the conversation. My aunt recognized one of the women and discovered that the woman was married to her late husband’s nephew. Strange, considering my sister was having such a difficult time finding a place to live just a few years earlier, and to have landed in this apartment was remarkable. These things to me appear as coincidences; but I know they are the working of the Universe to bring all these people together, and I also believe that my sister knows now that these things took place.  Since my introduction to the movie "The Secret," so many things become clear to me when I begin to realize that we are responsible for our own reality, I just wish my sister had been able to see her reality through my eyes.

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