Saturday, September 19, 2009


In life, pain is inevitable, the suffering is ...Image by tapperboy via Flickr
When I originally created "Our Gratitude" as a business, it was with lofty and ambitious drive.  None of that has changed, but I am still waiting to hear what the Universe (source) is telling me to do with it.  I have never stopped trying, although I have shifted gears many times, but I never lost sight of my original three goals, one of which is about to come to fruition.
1.  Complete a cookbook with my family called "Traveling Recipes," in memory of two family members that died in the same week in June 2007.
2.  Create a blueprint for a day program for "high functioning" adults on disability, because when my depression manifested as Agoraphobia, there were no programs available to help me.  I have a wonderful counselor, so believe me when I tell you, if there was one, Debbie would have found it for me!
3.  To have a car that makes me happy and gives me FREEDOM to access the outside world, that I have missed so dearly.

Well, the cookbook is almost completed, and I am only waiting on a few photographers to allow us permission to use their photos, and for The American Cancer and Heart Organizations to repsond with their information to recieve the donations.  All proceeds from this book have always intended to be for them, and will always be for them, even as I create new books, a percentage of all those proceeds will also be donated to them.

But back to the Universe.  The journey I took writing and compiling "Traveling Recipes," is in itself a bit of a miracle, and I express gratitude for it everyday, but here is my dilemma...FEAR OF SUCCESS!  As many fears as I have overcome in the last 5 years of my life, battling this disease, none has been more difficult to overcome as the "fear of success."  How do I know this, you ask? (Well, in my story you do), Because I can still feel the fluttering of anxiety, the closer I get to the completion, (the part where the world judges you based on their perception of what you have accomplished.)  I know "it is not my business what others think of me," ("A New EarthAwakening to You Life's Purpose," Eckhart Tolle) because my closest friends and I have adopted that principle, and it has driven us to lofty heights of self confidence; but the anxiety remains.  Although, today as I am putting off taking an exam for a class, and fiddling around with the things I do on the internet, ( you know, the business thing) I realize that I should have that anxiety, I should be afraid, I should wonder why I am nervous...because that is where success takes you...OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE.  I am not only "out of my comfort zone,"  I am "out of my mind."  Funny, huh? Out of my mind is exactly where I am supposed to be...again.  "Out of my mind," no longer trapped in the hollow corridors of my mind, afraid to face the world as who I truly am. 

So, the Universe has answered my roar, afterall, and has told me to step outside and ROOAARRR...as loud as I can, "I am exactly who I am supposed to be, I am exactly where I am supposed to be, and I am so truly, completely, and utterly, grateful to be here.  Not to be ungrateful though, but... where is my car?

Please watch for "Traveling Recipes," as it is scheduled to be release in October of 2009.
When you purchase your copy, be sure to try out the recipes, make them your own way, and send them to me with a story about yourslef, so you can be in the next of the series, "Traveling with, Traveling Recipes."
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