My Review of Kiki demi-wedge boot by Comfortview®

Originally submitted at WomanWithin

The comfort and easy styling are a must for the season. Our wide and wide wide bootie is chic, easy and affordable.

• inside zipper
• padded insole
• nonskid rubber sole
• 1” demi wedge
• fabulous butter-soft manmade, import...

Kiki demi-wedge boot by Comfortview®

By from on 1/13/2012

 

out of 5

(legalese)

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Here in what is again, sunny Florida, I find myself transforming from my previous self and confronting issues from my past quite successfully. Having been so separate from this family of people has been hard because I never really knew the truth. The truth will set you free. How many times have you heard that in your lifetime? I see now, in hindsight, as usual, the affect these truths held me back from. I have to say it was my coping mechanism, to not know the truth. Now having been confronted by it; I am free. My mind is more open than anytime in the last decade and I see myself for the person I had hoped others would have seen me. It's true. They knew the goodness in me, and I am so relieved to find that out now.
One should never leave the past unexposed. Take control by seeing what it is for real. I don't have what it takes to battle my blood family over the past right now, but this family is good for me. I wish I had recorded all the conversations I have had about my past to compile them together in a book that would be of help to others. I am working at it and trying to present it in it's true light; but the darkness of it is so evil and frightening I can only do it in short periods of time. Recovery from the memory of those times takes more time than actually confronting the issue, but it is worth it and I feel safe here doing just that.

To Each His / Her Own

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Drug and alcohol recovery programs are usually pretty standard in most states but the only effective method treats the underlying problem along with or directly after withdrawal. This is usually accomplished by a dual diagnosis of one’s condition.

I have two sons, both alcoholics. One believing he is recovered and may still be in denial; while the other has entered treatment for the fourth time.  The difference between the two is that the first was always in denial of his problem while the youngest admittedly knew and made known his condition at all times. To get the youngest into treatment we first used the elusive false bottom. Making the subject believe he has no resources left. (No resources like home, job, money, or enabling.) Having spent more time with my youngest as he battled his disease, I understand how the difference between them makes his more effective than the other. However, it does not mean that when he recovers all that he has lost, that he will not return to destructive behavior again. This is where safeguards are necessary to build into the recovery. This also does not mean that my oldest son’s recovery will not uphold, because he is at least in therapy and has a supportive partner, although she has little tolerance for his failures, and his recovery is the direct result of her “deal breakers,” in their relationship as they prepare to be married.

AA alone will not suffice for a dual diagnosis. It will be necessary for my youngest to continue psychotherapy along with medication for depression and anxiety. This seems to have been his biggest problem along with returning to the same environment. It is necessary to remove oneself from their currently, enabling environment. This, of course, is the hardest step; leaving girlfriends, spouses, and family members behind while you rebuild your life. This is not to say that one cannot return to those they love, it just creates a time delay. The hardest reality that an alcoholic has to face is the thought that they can never have another drink again in their life. AA encourages them to think only of the moment or the day they are in. Hence, the Serenity Prayer becomes a necessary tool. Therapy is the other ingredient in the recovery with a dual diagnosis. My youngest has never followed through with his therapy after being released from recovery programs.

Each time my youngest has returned, I have encouraged him to use some tools that I use myself, as I also suffer from clinical depression and anxiety. The first is a very effective and necessary mind set, “It is not my business what others think of me,” by Eckhart Tolle. I raised all of my children with this mind set stated my way, “Unless someone tells you that they do not like you, assume that they do and just be yourself.” So it is a familiar family viewpoint. Another that I have given my youngest is always ask, “What would Jesus do?” before acting on an impulse. He is the only one of my children that has “faith,” and I thank God every day that he does because faith is one of the greatest answers to recovery. The faith that God is always with you and the faith in yourself to accomplish anything you set your mind to. AA has non-secular meetings also, but without faith it is “more” difficult to stay in recovery, because faith always gives you someone to support you,” while the lack of faith leaves only yourself, and if you suffer from lack of self esteem, which many do, then depending on yourself is extremely difficult; sometimes impossible and tends to set one up for failure.

It is our job as parents to recognize behavior changes in our children. My oldest was far from home during his most difficult times with alcohol, but my youngest was directly in front of me and I still missed the signs. Even when told by school officials that he was self-medicating I still did not see it. I put him in counseling but it was of no use to him at the time because he did not want to live without drugs and alcohol. The only thing that was accomplished was he stopped using drugs and went to alcohol for his primary source of solace. There is no greater disappointment as a parent than having to ask one of our children to leave the home they were raised in and go out into the world and care for oneself without the aid of family when they chose alcohol over safety and support. It is like losing a child forever, which I have also experienced, but at least a child in recovery is one that gives us hope.

None of the baby books prepare you for this kind of loss. I remember learning that it is best to begin separating for your child from birth, as it will help them to become independent adults. This only worked with my daughter, as she “heeded” the messages every day from me that she was a beautiful young girl and could do anything she ever wanted to in her life. Why don’t boys hear the same message? Both of my boys are handsome, strong, young men, but self esteem came much harder for them. It is still a mystery to me. I am leaving tomorrow for another state to help a sick relative, but all I can think of is my youngest and how hard this will be for him, and then I think maybe it will be better if I am not around and he has no source of savior but God and himself. No, it doesn’t make it easier, but it does make me feel closer to him knowing that he will have God to turn to, and so will I.

A Changed Heart~

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It is sad when people use phrases like, "God told me to do this or that." To my knowledge, God has not spoken directly to anyone since the Old Testament. Correct me if I'm wrong, but scripture will prove that to be correct. Many that have recently experienced a change in their heart, will use that phrase; along with "I found God." But for me, I never knew he was lost.
We don't find God, he finds us; and has always known where we were. My daughter, a non-believer, was approached yesterday by an old boyfriend who led the conversation with those phrases. She was disturbed by this connection. I mean, I'm all for anyone that can help her to believe, but it will never happen for her with phrases like that.
Faith takes knowledge. The knowledge needed to talk to others about their faith and what the "Bible" says about God. When we are witnessing to others we need to use the right words and it takes knowledge to do that. I worry that this young man has been taught to witness incorrectly. He expressed some concerns to her that I think need to be addressed; but it seems like he might not be open to hearing the truth. Whatever the case, he needs someone to talk to, so I told my daughter I would be the one to do that for her. She immediately said, "You're the best," and surprised by that, I asked her if she could repeat it so I could record it. We just laughed.
God works in such mysterious ways. Not five minutes ago, my youngest son, knocked on my door, visibly upset. Upon further discovery I learned he had been fired. Fired from the only job he has held for 10 years. He's an alcoholic who has progressively brought himself to this place. I had a short talk with him about his next step and reminded him that just last week he told me this was probably going to happen soon, and here it is. It's funny how we bring ourselves to the place we say we are going. "We are responsible for our own reality." I think that is the hardest thing for most to accept.
God knows where we are going and always has, that is why he sent his only son to save us from sin. He sent Jesus to live in the "real" world and then sacrificed him to give us the grace we now have. We now have a forgiving God, and we should thank him everyday for his sacrifice.
This is a hard time of year for many, my son especially; but the strange part is that my church family and I have prayed for him to get here also. God has answered our prayer and now he will answer my son's when he turns to him for his much needed recovery. At this moment, he is not feeling very grateful and I understand that, but I am. I am so grateful that he is where he is so that he can now get the help he so greatly needs.
I know it must sound strange to many to hear that we prayed for him to hit bottom, but he was so unwilling to get there on his own that we felt he needed help and the only help we could offer was for him to  get here. With God's help the rest will right itself. It may not be a lasting solution, many have to try sobriety dozens of times, but for this Christmas; I am so grateful to God for bringing my son right where he is right now. God answered my prayer...

Hypnotic Marketing. Really????

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It's sad when something so amazing as the internet is abused by people trying to make money dishonestly.  Pyramid schemes are called many things because every time someone creates one, it has to be something new; because too many people are afraid of the words "pyramid schemes." These things do not work unless you are burdening your friends and family with these" pie in the sky" ideas. They have even added a whole new element to take advantage of people...hypnotic marketing. It is exactly what it says it is too.

I think of the internet as something that reaches the "greatest number of people in the shortest period of time, " while others think of it as a way of hurting the "greatest number of people" in the shortest period of time. The only time this is different is when the product you are supposedly selling is through a reputable company that has a strong history and reputation.

Most "schemes, shams, and farces," are created by very savvy, internet frauds who have found ways to generate and run programs that look like money is going to go to your account, but in turn goes directly into theirs. These programs have become very sophisticated and actually use legitimate merchant accounts through supposedly legitimate banks. I recently signed to join a program that I will not name because I refuse to give them any more power over me than they have already had. This is the time of year that the creeps come out of the woodwork, so please...be careful. When it sounds too good to be true..it usually is.

Wouldn't it be nice if legitimate people offered to help those in need? It is sad when others need to take advantage of people to make a living. "Treat others as you want them to treat you," the Golden Rule and also one of God's most important lessons to us. What do we have to do to live in a world full of people that take advantage of others? God would say, forgive and forget...so I guess we take responsibility for our vulnerability, move on, and hope that the next time we won't be taken in by vipers, and remember that what "goes around comes around," without looking for it to happen; just knowing that it does, is enough for good people.
If one person is saved from being taken advantage of by one of these vipers as a result of reading this post, then I am truly blessed this season.
Happy Holidays~

Give Gratitude with Annie's angels

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Annie's Angel 2011

It is not hard, around the holidays, to remember to say thank you, but what about the rest of the year? Gratitude should be a daily practice.
According to Eckhart Tolle, "If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is "thank you," it will be enough." He is referring to thanking God, but it should encompass everyone.
I know I am repeating myself when I say, "Before your feet hit the floor in the morning and the bed at night, Thank God for all that he has given you."
Most receive so much during the holidays but in my family this year we are cutting way back. Our gift to each other will be minimal in material goods, but really big on being together as we are all living our lives in different directions right now; which is part of life. As a mother, it is difficult to accept when your children leave home and live on their own, but remembering that we have raised them to do just that; gives us something to be grateful for. We planned to raise independent children, and we have succeeded when they are prepared to leave home, either for college, or a life of their own.
This year, thank God that you have succeeded as a parent and raised independent, happy, and grateful children. Give yourself a "Pat on the back," and move forward through the holidays with great joy.

Every year I make an angel in memory of my sister, and this year the proceeds from the angels is being donated to my church's Columbia Ministry to build a Library of Christian Spanish Media.  
They will be available for sale on December 1, 2011 at Annie's Angels. 

The angels make great Teacher gifts, package toppers, and ornaments, and are available all year round. I will be listing last years angel soon also.

 They can be custom made by contacting me at acunniff4852@gmail.com with the subject line: ANGELS

Don't forget "Traveling Recipes" the Crawford Family Cookbook, donations to Caner, heart, and Autism Research. Click on "Pat on the back" for that link.


Happy Holidays to All~

SAD~

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As we enter into the holidays many people will suffer from a condition called SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). It is important to notice if you see the symptoms in any of your friends or family group. The "symptoms include tiredness, fatigue, depression, crying spells, irritability, trouble concentrating, body aches, loss of sex drive, poor sleep, decreased activity level, and overeating, especially with carbohydrates, with associated weight gain." (according to Medicinenet.com)
Many of these symptoms are things we see in friends and family every day, but the difference is when they are more pronounced during a particular season or time of the year. Sometimes it comes from grief without even knowing that is what is causing it. Losing a loved one around a holiday leaves a reminder of that grief and some never recognize it until it is mentioned by another or something reminds them of the person lost.

Diagnosed in my twenties with clinical depression, has made my journey a long one. I have had bouts of severe depression ranging from blue days to an anxiety disorder manifesting as Agoraphobia. (fear of open spaces) There are periods of time when I am very teary for what I think is no reason, then suddenly remember it is the anniversary of the loss of a loved one, and it is grief I am experiencing.

I still, after 28 years, always remember my 6 month old daughter lost to me on a Mother's Day weekend. Her birthday is the day before Halloween and this year I was in Florida on vacation with no reminder of that loss. I was enjoying myself more than I had in years.Upon returning, it took about a week for it to hit me. I was sitting in my Bible Class and some mention was made about how, as parents, we regret when our children have not been saved. It immediately ran through my mind that I had my baby girl (Gillian Marie) baptized twice just to be sure that if anything happened to her while she was in the hospital, I would have done the right thing. According to what was being said, I heard, "none of us know who the elect will be, only God knows." I immediately began to tear up. I was feeling inadequate as a parent. I thought for that moment, that I had any control over whether or not my child would be in the New World when it comes, and realized I don't. As it was explained further, I questioned my life, and realized I had conceived this child in sin, but was instantly reassured that children are not responsible for the sins of the parents. It wasn't enough for me at that moment. I left the class and when I got to my car I could barely see where I was driving I was crying so hard. I went immediately to the cemetery where my child was buried, and searched for her grave. For more than a minute I couldn't even find it. I was so lost and wondered why it wasn't where I remembered it to be. I sat in my car and prayed that I could remember, and in the next moment I looked up and realized that it was right where it always was, I was just looking for the wrong color of the stone. I instantly got out of the car and went over to where her ground marker lay, and realized that no one had cleared the grass away for quite awhile. I began, through these thundering tears, to rip the grass away all around the stone. I sat there and asked for her forgiveness. What that could do for me, I don't know, but it was something. I knew I had to do something to stop the tears and remember the beauty about her. Then I was relieved to "feel the presence of the Holy Spirit "(inside) assuring me she was at the right hand of God. I thanked God that she did not have to carry my burden to the grave. A few moments later the wonderful memories of her gentle sweetness filled me, and I began to stop crying and feel a sense of the world around me again. I realized for that day, and at that moment, that I had forgotten to feel the grief I normally do around that time, and that a gentle reminder of her beauty and grace was all I needed to be lifted up again.
That is just a small reminder of the type of emotion that can take over the life of one that suffers from clinical depression or SAD. It made me question my faith and my own goodness, but somehow got a gentle reminder that I was thinking irrationally, and God was righted my thinking.

There is no total recovery from clinical depression but it is a manageable disease like any other. A broken arm, leg or other body limb heals, a broken heart heals, but depression is a silent disease that can spring about at any time. A regimen of anti-depressions are usually prescribed, and in my case, a lifetime commitment. I can get through each day without the heavy burden of sadness that sometimes overwhelmed me in the past, but holidays, and reminders of loss will usually surface, but not quite as prominent as this last one.
If you know a friend or relative who suffers from SAD who may not know that they suffer from it, it is wise to make a "gentle" reference to it; but let them figure it out on their own. Telling someone, who "you think" may suffer from depression and has not been diagnosed, what your thought about it are, will not necessarily move them in the right direction. So be careful not to judge or make assumptions about their state of mind. We are all different and we cannot possibly know what is in the mind or the heart of another unless we are being told by him or her. It is a difficult place to be if you have never, yourself, suffered from this debilitating disease, to stand by and watch a loved one go through it; but recovery is a choice that only they can make, and nagging or self righteousness will not get them to recovery any faster than they can themselves. Pray for them that God will open their heart and they will be directed in the right place to receive the treatment they need, and remember to applaud their choice when they choose recovery, because it is a difficult choice to make, especially if it has gone on too long. So be wise, and leave only a gentle message for them, as a push or a shove may just make them tumble.
I hope this helps just one person this year recognize, get diagnosed, and treated for any form of depression.  The list is long and they come in all colors and sizes.
Have Wondrous and Happy Holidays All