SAD~

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As we enter into the holidays many people will suffer from a condition called SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). It is important to notice if you see the symptoms in any of your friends or family group. The "symptoms include tiredness, fatigue, depression, crying spells, irritability, trouble concentrating, body aches, loss of sex drive, poor sleep, decreased activity level, and overeating, especially with carbohydrates, with associated weight gain." (according to Medicinenet.com)
Many of these symptoms are things we see in friends and family every day, but the difference is when they are more pronounced during a particular season or time of the year. Sometimes it comes from grief without even knowing that is what is causing it. Losing a loved one around a holiday leaves a reminder of that grief and some never recognize it until it is mentioned by another or something reminds them of the person lost.

Diagnosed in my twenties with clinical depression, has made my journey a long one. I have had bouts of severe depression ranging from blue days to an anxiety disorder manifesting as Agoraphobia. (fear of open spaces) There are periods of time when I am very teary for what I think is no reason, then suddenly remember it is the anniversary of the loss of a loved one, and it is grief I am experiencing.

I still, after 28 years, always remember my 6 month old daughter lost to me on a Mother's Day weekend. Her birthday is the day before Halloween and this year I was in Florida on vacation with no reminder of that loss. I was enjoying myself more than I had in years.Upon returning, it took about a week for it to hit me. I was sitting in my Bible Class and some mention was made about how, as parents, we regret when our children have not been saved. It immediately ran through my mind that I had my baby girl (Gillian Marie) baptized twice just to be sure that if anything happened to her while she was in the hospital, I would have done the right thing. According to what was being said, I heard, "none of us know who the elect will be, only God knows." I immediately began to tear up. I was feeling inadequate as a parent. I thought for that moment, that I had any control over whether or not my child would be in the New World when it comes, and realized I don't. As it was explained further, I questioned my life, and realized I had conceived this child in sin, but was instantly reassured that children are not responsible for the sins of the parents. It wasn't enough for me at that moment. I left the class and when I got to my car I could barely see where I was driving I was crying so hard. I went immediately to the cemetery where my child was buried, and searched for her grave. For more than a minute I couldn't even find it. I was so lost and wondered why it wasn't where I remembered it to be. I sat in my car and prayed that I could remember, and in the next moment I looked up and realized that it was right where it always was, I was just looking for the wrong color of the stone. I instantly got out of the car and went over to where her ground marker lay, and realized that no one had cleared the grass away for quite awhile. I began, through these thundering tears, to rip the grass away all around the stone. I sat there and asked for her forgiveness. What that could do for me, I don't know, but it was something. I knew I had to do something to stop the tears and remember the beauty about her. Then I was relieved to "feel the presence of the Holy Spirit "(inside) assuring me she was at the right hand of God. I thanked God that she did not have to carry my burden to the grave. A few moments later the wonderful memories of her gentle sweetness filled me, and I began to stop crying and feel a sense of the world around me again. I realized for that day, and at that moment, that I had forgotten to feel the grief I normally do around that time, and that a gentle reminder of her beauty and grace was all I needed to be lifted up again.
That is just a small reminder of the type of emotion that can take over the life of one that suffers from clinical depression or SAD. It made me question my faith and my own goodness, but somehow got a gentle reminder that I was thinking irrationally, and God was righted my thinking.

There is no total recovery from clinical depression but it is a manageable disease like any other. A broken arm, leg or other body limb heals, a broken heart heals, but depression is a silent disease that can spring about at any time. A regimen of anti-depressions are usually prescribed, and in my case, a lifetime commitment. I can get through each day without the heavy burden of sadness that sometimes overwhelmed me in the past, but holidays, and reminders of loss will usually surface, but not quite as prominent as this last one.
If you know a friend or relative who suffers from SAD who may not know that they suffer from it, it is wise to make a "gentle" reference to it; but let them figure it out on their own. Telling someone, who "you think" may suffer from depression and has not been diagnosed, what your thought about it are, will not necessarily move them in the right direction. So be careful not to judge or make assumptions about their state of mind. We are all different and we cannot possibly know what is in the mind or the heart of another unless we are being told by him or her. It is a difficult place to be if you have never, yourself, suffered from this debilitating disease, to stand by and watch a loved one go through it; but recovery is a choice that only they can make, and nagging or self righteousness will not get them to recovery any faster than they can themselves. Pray for them that God will open their heart and they will be directed in the right place to receive the treatment they need, and remember to applaud their choice when they choose recovery, because it is a difficult choice to make, especially if it has gone on too long. So be wise, and leave only a gentle message for them, as a push or a shove may just make them tumble.
I hope this helps just one person this year recognize, get diagnosed, and treated for any form of depression.  The list is long and they come in all colors and sizes.
Have Wondrous and Happy Holidays All

Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

Image by dannie4852 via FlickrGOOGLE
1 Corinthians 13:7 We all, these days, will tend to want to question what has happened in Japan, what negative things have taken place in our life, but it is not necessary to put ourselves through that. When we are in pain, mourning, depression,and  anxiety we are bringing this on ourselves. "We are responsible for our own reality." We can change anything because "With God all things are possible."
He tells us that he will carry us through all the negative things that happen to us, but do we ALL listen? NO...
What is the expression people use so often...? "What does not break us will make us stronger." Why? Because God puts challenges in front of us, everyday and it is our purpose to overcome them with his guidance. Mourning is a natural thing to do when someone we love is lost to us, but we should remember that they are with God now and we will see them again when He comes. We will be re-united with our lost loved ones, their spirit will rise with their body and we will be whole with them again, in the rapture and Glory of God.
I sat in a Bible class last week and my pastor said to me that the spirit will return to the body and we will all be whole again, My first thought was, OMG...my sister was cremated and her ashes sit on the top shelf of my entertainment center, what have I done? So I asked him, "are you saying that I have disposed of her remains in a way that will stop her from re-uniting with her spirit?" As tears ran down my face, I waited for his answer. He said, I should not worry because Christians will be re-united with their bodies even from dust.  After all,  that is how we come into the world. Those were not his exact words, I am expressing my relief in the thoughts that followed after what he told me. My relief was great and I let out a huge sigh, but I was thinking about my daughter too. My greatest loss was her tiny life, lost to me at 6 months old.
People ask me all the time, how did you go on, how did you get over it. In the past I was able to say, "I don't know, I guess I just pushed through it because I went right on to taking caring of my mother as she spent her last 6 months with a diagnosis of terminal Colon Cancer. Was I just too busy to think about her? Well, I know that is not true because every night I would stay up late enough to give my mother her last dose of Morphine so she (and I ) could sleep through the night without pain.  Hers from the cancer, mine from mourning the loss of my child. I thought a lot and read a lot about death then. My Uncle, thinking that I would understand and accept my mother's and my daughter's death easier if I understood the dying process, had given me books that told me what to expect; and I am grateful that he did that, but did it make the process any easier, No. No because my mother was still going to go through this process and understanding it was part of my acceptance of her dying, but easier, nothing makes the dying process easier for anyone except through their faith. My mother was a faithful Christian through her life and especially during her last days and I knew that she was going to be re-united with those that she lost, including my daughter; but I found humor in the fact that she believed she would be re-united with my father. In her last days she would have vivid conversations with him in the late night before her final dose of medication. She also survived with a barely registering blood pressure for two days, and I believe that she was holding on to be re-united with him on their Anniversary.
Most of my life with my father was filled with abusive alcoholism. He drank, he stewed, and then he blew. It was a daily ritual for my sister's, my mother, and I. We would sit in the kitchen and wait for him to go to bed so we could breath again. Not that we literally held our breath, but we tried not to make any sound that would set him off. The worst part about trying to be quiet or trying to stop anything else, is that the more you try to stop it, the more it comes up. It is true with anything we try to get rid of, the more you try to get rid of it, the more it comes back to you. If I had known then that that is the way the "law of attraction" works, I would have suggested that we think differently about what we were trying to avoid, so something good would have come out of the time we spent waiting for something bad to happen. Funny, right? What a waste of time it was. I often wonder what we could have done, that would have put the abuse at bay, while we accomplished it and these days I have found the answer, it was no secret. I just never realized that we could very well have taken our focus off the fear we were feeling by being quietly creative.  It would have lessened my father's power over us, and given us something to see at the end of each of these experiences.
I do these things now because I know they work, but what a blessing it would have been for all of us together to be doing something quietly creative. I paint, quilt, sketch, and make crafts now, and I do them quietly; and with the express purpose of keeping fear, anxiety, and depression from taking over my mind. Sad that it took me this many years to discover that, but I have and I use it effectively now, not as a manner of keeping my father away, but to keep depression and anxiety from locking my mind in fear and sometimes, terror.
A few years back when my depression and anxiety manifested as Agoraphobia, my mind and my body  were keeping me locked in my home, similar to the way my father, unbeknown to him, kept us locked in the kitchen quietly trying to avoid his wrath. What I discovered about that I will cover tomorrow, but remember:

Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. 1 Corinthians 13:7

LIVE IN THE NOW!

I send a newsletter to my family everyday that has a joke for the day and some words of inspiration. While collecting material for it, I ran across this joke:


The End Is Near!

A local priest and a pastor were fishing on the side of the road. They thoughtfully made a sign saying, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" and showed it to each passing car. One driver who drove by didn't appreciate the sign and shouted at them, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"

All of a sudden they heard a big splash, looked at each other, and the priest said to the pastor, "You think maybe we should have just said 'Bridge Out' instead?"


I have been thinking all day about the way things are expressed to us and by us. It reminded me that there are so many interpretations of the bible, philosophies on life , opinions, judgments. They are all just words. I came to the conclusion at the end of my day after checking out different sources, that all there is or should be, is the present. What we think, feel and do right now is what matters. Only the NOW matters. Everything else is old, used, and not working, usually, so rather than change how we think, feel or see things, we should just BE, I think Dr. Phil puts it best when he says, “How’s that workin for ya?” When things aren’t working, change your mind…TRY LIVING IN THE NOW!

THIS COMES TO MIND ALSO:

From The Masters newsletter 2-21-2008
SELF-CONCEPT/SELF-CONFIDENCE

Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.
Malcolm Forbes

Seek respect mainly from thyself, for it comes first from within.
Steven H. Coogler

"What you see is what you get, and who you feel like is who you really are."
Denis Waitley

Make a choice to watch it, read it or live it…but at least try it, and remember this:
The Secret

Thoughts do become things.
There are no coincidences.
Miracles are all around us.
Ask, Believe and you will receive.
It all begins with baby steps.

OUR GRATITUDE
OUR GRATITUDE IN BUSINESS
OUR GRATITUDE IN BOOKS
OUR GRATITUDE BLOG
CRAFTY 1'S CORNER
OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER
MASTER BOOKS

ARE YOU SUCCESSFUL?

Is it a false sense of security to believe, although you cannot see it, that you have enough faith in your ability to overcome any obstacles, and that you are financially successful? If you do not believe, does that make you a failure?

It is only by putting yourself out there that you can, even remotely, begin to believe in yourself. Anyone can sit in front of a computer and appear to be successful, but to actually feel it, is to walk into a store and change how you think about money. I did that two days ago and again today, and for the first time, I did not overdraw my checking account. Does that make me successful? No, what makes me successful, is the fact that I am no longer afraid of money, whether I have it or not. I am successful when I have found what is important in life and money really has nothing to with it…or everything to do with it.

Success is a mind set that naturally, begins first with a thought like everything else. When you think you are successful, and believe you are successful….YOU ARE. You cannot be successful until you have thought it.

Make a choice to watch it, read it or live it…but at least try it, and remember:
THE SECRET

Thoughts do become things.
There are no coincidences.
Miracles are all around us
Ask, Believe and you will receive.
It all begins with baby steps.

I STILL LOVE YOU!

In my journey with The Law of Attraction, I have found it necessary to separate from people I have been extremely close to for a long time, some family and some friends. Lately I have been asked if I would re-visit the possibility of resolving the issues that forms those distances. My response has been the same in every asking, yet, I am not sure if it is the TRUE thing to do.

My life has transformed so much that I am not sure that these people belong in it, in the same capacity, I will always love them, and I am saddened by the loss, but my quest to find the truth in myself is just too important to go back. I find that people that can only bring negativity to me are not who I want to be around right now.

The Law of Attraction teaches us that we attract more of what we are thinking about. Each time that someone asks me to re-visit the possibility of this reconciliation, I find that all I attract from it is sadness, so I have resolved to accept that I have learned enough about forgiveness to let this go and move on so I am not attracting more sadness.

I am still reading Eckhart Tolle’s book “A New Earth, Awakening to your Life’s Purpose”, and with every page I take time to read it, then reread it, highlight each line, and tab the line for quick access. I am using post it flags and if like me, you are reading more than one book at a time, these are life savers. It takes organization to a new height. I know…it is silly that something as simple as a posit it notes gives me great joy. I have shrunk my world down a bit for focus, and although post its excite me, I am finding more relative things to fill my world with, and reading is a big one. I have stopped reading fiction because fiction will again, attract what I think about, so I am careful to read positive books with TRUE life experiences, and messages that others have found in their journey for TRUTH of their being. The new Oprah Book Club online is so great, I love the interaction with the actual author and Oprah’s opinion on matters of spirituality are usually so in sync with my own…no I am not thinking I’m Oprah. Anyway, if you can you should join in on the Monday night calls, they are so rewarding. Make sure you get a copy of the book and print out the weeks lesson.

If you want to focus on books of inspiration and change the things you are attracting into your life, visit my blog OUR GRATITUDE IN BOOKS, and find inspirational material on life skills.

In the meantime,. Make a point to watch it, read it, or live it but begin with
“THE SECRET”


Thoughts do become things.
There are no coincidences.
Miracles are all around us.
Ask, Believe and you will receive.
It all begins with baby steps.

I think I have been living in a coma for about a week now. One of my friends is having a difficult time lately with a few major life issues. The fact that she is still walking around is proof enough to me, that she is talking a pro-active approach to the issues around her.

We both just discovered that there is a mental disorder called ODD. “Oppositional Defiance Disorder” is the term. She just put a name to it this morning. After spending close to 24 hours in a hospital, waiting for someone to see her teenage daughter, we were both saying how ridiculous it was that a child in crisis had to wait that long for proper attention. Well, it became clear to me, when she told me what the psychologist that saw her daughter told her about this disorder. Here we were thinking that he was just describing her daughter as if he knew her personally, and it turns out that she fits into that diagnosis so perfectly that he was speaking in general. How is it, that as parents, we had no idea that a diagnosis or disease like this existed. I raised three children, all grown now, but each has issues of their own, luckily for me, none as serious as this. It is all about LABELS. We never really absorb anything until a name is attached to it, mainly because it does not exist, until then. Cryptic, I know, but I will explain further in.

In the past year, one of the changes that I made in my life, was to let my children go (I think that is a hymn we used to sing in church or it is from an old movie) “Let my children go.” Anyway, case in point, my youngest had some substance issues, which I have discussed on my blog in the past, and I had to wrestle with the struggle of letting him go when he refused treatment. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I would do it again tomorrow, now that I know what came to me, from that.

I remember as a young mother learning this: “You should begin to separate from your children when they are born, if you hope to raise independent children.” It was important to me to raise independent children. I never experienced independence until I was a young bride, with a child at 25, divorcing and being forced to live on my own. That is not to say that it was not my choice to do that, because it absolutely was. What I experienced after that, was the fear of living on my own, raising a child alone, paying bills, making enough money, feeling safe, and keeping my child safe, all things I had never learned. No one had ever taught me how to do that. I did all of that well, with my first husband, but when it was time to be on my own, the feeling was not empowering, it was frightening and it kept me from ever following through with the things that would keep me secure and safe, the tools to manage my life. I tried so many times to take that back, the feeling of security, safety and peace, but I had given it up to others in my life, my children, each of my husbands in two marriages, bosses, parents, teachers, anyone I could give it to, except MYSELF. The reality of that came so late in life. Forced to struggle so long, knowing something, but never really knowing what it was. Pushing me through so many emotional changes that were under the heading of, depression, mental illness, insecurity, immaturity, all negative LABELS, never knowing that what I was doing was fighting to live my own life, the one I had given away to so many. It is funny when I look back at it now and see the simplicity of getting to where I should have gone so many years ago, but I am there now and it is still not too late for me to leave that to my children. The vessel to contain that knowledge has not formed in my mind yet. However, the thought and the desire are present, as the first two steps to succeeding in anything or everything. (I will have to get back to you on THE LAST ONE).

All of this came to me as I watched my friend struggle with her daughter’s issues. Fed by information about things that I seemed to know and understand, realizing that I had experienced things like this before, I was able to offer support and hopefully, guidance into a dark place that she and I have both lived for so many years. In the process, we have found humor, Thank God, and understanding of things about ourselves as we struggle to learn more about her child and change things from the way we had to learn them. We are becoming more comfortable in our LABELS and moving further away from the fear of what is in our mind, in order to change things for the future of children like hers and mine.
ODD is a real issue among teens, and there is new information available. I am planning to help my friend find that information to share with other parents, but first by letting parents know that conditions like those that ODD contain, can be changed. Just putting a LABEL on it has made it clearer to those of us that have lived with other labels. We need to find a positive way to bring this message to parents and teens and teach them how to change their thoughts to change their behavior. It all begins with baby steps, and miracles are all around us, thoughts do become things and Ask, believe and you will receive.

The experiences that my friend and I went through this past week have been overwhelming to us. At times and we have struggled through sleep deprivation and sometimes fear of the unknown, but we have managed to keep ourselves sane with humor and support. The other night, while struggling with these issues and unable to sleep any longer for the night, I sent this email to her husband.
I hope it gives you the levity that we found in it, because it helped us to get through: I have removed the names to protect the innocent.


The subject line read: BILL FOR SERVICES RENDERED!


Dear MR. BLANK,

Below, is a list of services rendered to MRS.BLANKETY BLANK-BLANK. After her first consult, which was free, you were informed, that any further use of my services would come at a high price.

My services are valuable and should be recognized as such. I am a firm believer in payment of services rendered by the bartering system. Please take note that the payment for my additional services is now due and will accepted in payment by, 1 treadmill, and an office chair ( I spend a lot of time sitting in front of my computer doing research for the issues that your wife comes to me for. Additionally, there is a night differential which is imposed after 1:00 a.m. on all occasions.

Please do not let this matter reach the point where it will be necessary to serve you with a dunning notice. Prompt and courteous service will be rewarded with a discount on your next bill. SERVICE RENEDERED:
1. Several phone consults previous to 12:00 a.m.
2. Invaluable computer services.
3. A shoulder to cry on.
4. Valuable opinions and direct advice.
5. Sleep deprivation.

You should recall that, while I was performing these services, you were getting much needed sleep, (of which, I was denied, because once you wake me up…I am up). I’m sure you can see the value in these services and I am certain that you will consider prompt payment, knowing that my service will be needed a great deal in the next few weeks.
Sincerely,

Ann-Marie Cunniff
P.S. Woohoo, my first paid gig…I