Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

Most "people" would give up if they ...Image by dannie4852 via FlickrGOOGLE
1 Corinthians 13:7 We all, these days, will tend to want to question what has happened in Japan, what negative things have taken place in our life, but it is not necessary to put ourselves through that. When we are in pain, mourning, depression,and  anxiety we are bringing this on ourselves. "We are responsible for our own reality." We can change anything because "With God all things are possible."
He tells us that he will carry us through all the negative things that happen to us, but do we ALL listen? NO...
What is the expression people use so often...? "What does not break us will make us stronger." Why? Because God puts challenges in front of us, everyday and it is our purpose to overcome them with his guidance. Mourning is a natural thing to do when someone we love is lost to us, but we should remember that they are with God now and we will see them again when He comes. We will be re-united with our lost loved ones, their spirit will rise with their body and we will be whole with them again, in the rapture and Glory of God.
I sat in a Bible class last week and my pastor said to me that the spirit will return to the body and we will all be whole again, My first thought was, OMG...my sister was cremated and her ashes sit on the top shelf of my entertainment center, what have I done? So I asked him, "are you saying that I have disposed of her remains in a way that will stop her from re-uniting with her spirit?" As tears ran down my face, I waited for his answer. He said, I should not worry because Christians will be re-united with their bodies even from dust.  After all,  that is how we come into the world. Those were not his exact words, I am expressing my relief in the thoughts that followed after what he told me. My relief was great and I let out a huge sigh, but I was thinking about my daughter too. My greatest loss was her tiny life, lost to me at 6 months old.
People ask me all the time, how did you go on, how did you get over it. In the past I was able to say, "I don't know, I guess I just pushed through it because I went right on to taking caring of my mother as she spent her last 6 months with a diagnosis of terminal Colon Cancer. Was I just too busy to think about her? Well, I know that is not true because every night I would stay up late enough to give my mother her last dose of Morphine so she (and I ) could sleep through the night without pain.  Hers from the cancer, mine from mourning the loss of my child. I thought a lot and read a lot about death then. My Uncle, thinking that I would understand and accept my mother's and my daughter's death easier if I understood the dying process, had given me books that told me what to expect; and I am grateful that he did that, but did it make the process any easier, No. No because my mother was still going to go through this process and understanding it was part of my acceptance of her dying, but easier, nothing makes the dying process easier for anyone except through their faith. My mother was a faithful Christian through her life and especially during her last days and I knew that she was going to be re-united with those that she lost, including my daughter; but I found humor in the fact that she believed she would be re-united with my father. In her last days she would have vivid conversations with him in the late night before her final dose of medication. She also survived with a barely registering blood pressure for two days, and I believe that she was holding on to be re-united with him on their Anniversary.
Most of my life with my father was filled with abusive alcoholism. He drank, he stewed, and then he blew. It was a daily ritual for my sister's, my mother, and I. We would sit in the kitchen and wait for him to go to bed so we could breath again. Not that we literally held our breath, but we tried not to make any sound that would set him off. The worst part about trying to be quiet or trying to stop anything else, is that the more you try to stop it, the more it comes up. It is true with anything we try to get rid of, the more you try to get rid of it, the more it comes back to you. If I had known then that that is the way the "law of attraction" works, I would have suggested that we think differently about what we were trying to avoid, so something good would have come out of the time we spent waiting for something bad to happen. Funny, right? What a waste of time it was. I often wonder what we could have done, that would have put the abuse at bay, while we accomplished it and these days I have found the answer, it was no secret. I just never realized that we could very well have taken our focus off the fear we were feeling by being quietly creative.  It would have lessened my father's power over us, and given us something to see at the end of each of these experiences.
I do these things now because I know they work, but what a blessing it would have been for all of us together to be doing something quietly creative. I paint, quilt, sketch, and make crafts now, and I do them quietly; and with the express purpose of keeping fear, anxiety, and depression from taking over my mind. Sad that it took me this many years to discover that, but I have and I use it effectively now, not as a manner of keeping my father away, but to keep depression and anxiety from locking my mind in fear and sometimes, terror.
A few years back when my depression and anxiety manifested as Agoraphobia, my mind and my body  were keeping me locked in my home, similar to the way my father, unbeknown to him, kept us locked in the kitchen quietly trying to avoid his wrath. What I discovered about that I will cover tomorrow, but remember:

Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. 1 Corinthians 13:7

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