Thursday, April 17, 2008


Recipe to Relax [8/365]Image by Farruska via FlickrIn a conversation today, with a friend, I remembered that I have always said, when people are “thinking or feeling” that others dislike them, or are talking about them or they believe they do not like them, this is what I think “unless you tell me that you do not like me, I will assume that you do.” I have always played that in my mind. I developed it a long time ago when I was trying to find “self-confidence” in myself. I find it funny now that I was actually looking for confidence in myself. If I was believing or thinking that others did not like me or were talking about me, then I was lost in “ego”. Most grow up believing that “ego” is a good thing about a person. Most have always believed that when a person has a good “ego” they have a good sense of themselves, they are confident, but, how do you have a good “ego” when the “ego” is what separates you from God. The “ego” is where you go when you are not “within“.

Being “within” is peace. I have been recovering from Agoraphobia which manifested as panic attacks. Funny, because Agoraphobia is a state of fear, as is anxiety. But “within” there is no “fear”, and there is also no “ego”. The simple fact that I know that is enough to separate myself from the “ego” and remain within. Quieting my mind.

I went out today for a power walk. Looking at me, you would never call it that. But, for me, the effort is great to actually do it. I was trapped in a mental illness for more than 4 years, that kept me confined to my home like a prisoner. I did not need locks on the door to keep me in, my mind was doing that quite well. The simple joy of taking a walk outside, something we all take for granted, was to me, today, the greatest blessing I could receive. When I was done walking I just stood and watched, practicing not labeling my vision. What peace, what joy….and to think, it was just a simple walk.

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